Introvert’s guide to surviving St. Patty’s day

Is drinking alcohol your primary gag-inducer? Does the sight of other people make you crave the shadows? Not to worry, dear reader. So long as you use these helpful tips, you can survive the yearly apex of college shenanigans that is St. Patrick’s Day with minimal damage.

Treat yourself to a nice pair of headphones instead of those dinky Molson beer bottle cap-shaped ones that cut the inside of your ears. Consider it a reward for not spending lots of money on booze. Once the parties start, put those bad boys on and crank up the volume and bask in the glory of your favourite song and drift off to your happy place.

Not only a generally useful virtue in life, to get assignments done early is something that may be necessary. It can be difficult for us proud loners to do work when we can sense the presence of excessive noise, movement and enthusiasm. By getting everything due on the 18th done before St. Paddy’s, you don’t have to worry about trying to focus your attention on those assignments when so much is happening around you.

Grab every morsel of food you have and store it in your room for the time being, whether with a mini-fridge or a cooler filled with ice if you can’t afford the former. When drunk, people’s food-consuming inhibitions can become rather suspect, so just make sure you’ve got everything you need before the snacking begins.

Sometimes you want to play video games in peace without strangers randomly bursting through your door. You don’t want to be the one on the receiving end of an embarrassing moment, do you? It’s always a good idea to have fail-safes in life and no standard lock is 100 per cent perfect, so stock up. Lock that room of yours up tight.

Not necessarily because you embrace the holiday or its traditions, but because of the way you don’t want people calling you out for not doing it. That goes for not walking on the Hawk as well, especially on this day. When people become invested in traditions, regardless of their purpose or their validity, they can become adamant about them, so don’t even try going against it.    

Not a fan of seeing random people publicly urinating/vomiting/spitting on your property? A pair of horse blinders will help keep your attention focused on what’s directly ahead of you and not let your peripheral vision distract you.

So keep these ideas in mind for when everyone busts out the green and the brews. Just because you’re not into that sort of thing doesn’t mean you’re a bad college student, just that you’re fine with being alone. And that’s okay.

So hunker down, keep in line and grin and bear it so you’re not interfering with others’ happiness, nor are they intruding on yours.