Dear Life: Nov. 30, 2011

Dear @thegayhunter,

It was over 140 characters because it wasn’t a tweet, it was a Dear Life. There’s a difference between the real world, and your fantasy Twitter land. It’s sad you had to use Dear Life to promote your twitter account (@thegayhunter is real for anyone who cares).

Sincerely,

.#getoveryourselfandyourshamelesspromotions

Dear Life,

That awkward moment when you happen to realize you are listening to a bunch of fanatics in the dining hall having Bible circle prayer time (or w/e) whilst you try to do homework. I swear she was swaying as she prayed. Keep it down over there! I’m having a hard time studying satanism over here.

Sincerely,

There’s a time and place for that sort of thing and its not in the cafeteria

Dear Life,

Why is it that people with large blocky plugs on their power cords feel they have to block off the only other open socket in the entire room?

Sincerely,

Either just plug it in the other fucking slot so it doesn’t block everything, or don’t think you’re allowed to get pissed when I ask you to move it

Dear Life,

My boyfriend texts:

“anything which makes you happy is my duty cause no matter what I LOVE you… and I will always do my best to make sure ur happy”

How can one think about studing after a text msg like that <3

Love you for the rest of my life !!!

Dear Life,

Thank you for all the warm weather, but I’m worried about whether or not Canada will have snow for Christmas …

Warmest Autumn since 1971? I think so!!

Sincerely,

Had to break out my spring jacket today!

Dear @thegayhunter,

I’m not sure if you just didn’t get the memo or you chose to ignore it, but Dear Life is funny because it’s anonymous. Everyone at this school is sick of you bullying and belittling others. We get that you’re trying to be funny by saying offensive things, but the truth is you’re not clever. Please grow up and get over yourself.

Sincerely,

Everyone at this school; anonymous for a reason

Dear Life,

Why is it when I am trying to get two papers done for this week you continually throw crap in my way. I mean I can deal with the assignments, but the potential that the water that is coursing through my apartment at the moment is sewage water is a little much. Whatever happened to the days when my biggest problem was convincing myself to finish assignments well before the due date?

Sincerely,

I’d like my carpet to smell like it did when I moved in

Dear Life,

I’ve watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer something like ten times already since the beginning of November; and every time I watch it, it’s the best 52 minutes of my day. Though, where did the makers get the idea that kids would not want a water pistol that shoots jelly?

Sincerely,

Charlie-in-the-Box

Dear Life,

No, do sit in the front and HUM while another student sings a song in front of the class. No, do not get up during someone’s presentation and leave. Just so you know, bristol board is a common item, you can get it from a variety of retailers. Do not turn around in class and ask me if you have a lot of pimples. And, finally, NO, you may absolutely NOT call me, or any of my friends, a different name because it means “banana” in your language. In English, that’s a normal name. Thanks a bunch for coming out though, we all really appreciate it.

Sincerely,

When the prof tells you to shush, you know you are f*cking annoying

Dear Life,

Every week I pick up The Cord, read the Dear Life section, then flip through the rest of the paper which consists of university students bashing the Harper government. I then throw it in the garbage and get on with my day. Worth the ten dollar publication fee? I think not.

Sincerely,

Rename it the “Red Cord”

Dear Life,

Do people normally leave the empty tissue paper roll in the washroom once they have finished using it? It just takes 5 seconds of your precious time to change it for the next person. I give your parents a fucking F for raising you. Change the damn roll!

Sincerely,

IT’S WAR

Dear Life,

I’m tired of waking up early every morning because of the construction machines that drive by Mac House.

Sincerely,

I’m in WLU not COD

Dear Life,

After reading the past few issues of dear life in the cord, I’ve decided one thing. Even though Laurier is filled with art students who are constantly writing papers it takes a science student who is constantly writing lab reports to write a descent dear life.

Sincerely,

I’m coming out of retirement bitches, get ready to lol.