Dear Life: April 3, 2013

Dear-Life-done

(Graphic Adele Palmquist).

Dear Life,
Why do the people with the least commitment levels and who do the least amount of work get the most recognition?
Sincerely,
I actually did all of that

Dear Life,
I’m mildly upset that there is no rabbit at Easter dinner this year.
Sincerely,
Can’t eat the Easter bunny

Dear Life,
So you are talking in the library, a library that was virtually silent until you showed up, and you continue to make yourself look even more pathetic while complaining to your friend that you have a 1.0 GPA at Laurier and that you are at risk of being put on probation or getting kicked out.
Sincerely,
STFU and open a book

Dear Life,
To the hot girl at Phil’s. The Thursday before Easter weekend, I noticed you playing pool. You’re a brunette. You were wearing this incredibly dazzling, eye-catching getup with a skirt and some sort of pants or leggings underneath it. I also saw you dancing up on the raised part of the dancefloor. At the back bar, you stood next to me for about twenty seconds while in line to order a drink. I should’ve talked to you, said something, but I never did. I now regret it immensely.
Sincerely,
I’ll be there again Thursday the 4th and 11th

Dear Life,
I was trying to give her an orgasm
Not an asthma attack. Please send a girl my way who won’t die on me.
Sincerely,
I guess its better than I thought

Dear Life,
Something is aFOUL in Bricker Academic.
Sincerely,
Quack quack

Dear Life,
I recently overheard a student complaining about a parking ticket they received. While no one likes parking tickets, the guy openly admitted he was parked in the wrong lot but they “won’t get off my back.” Hey, dumbass … why don’t you just park in the right lot and walk a bit. And lay off the parking staff. From experience, they are all very nice people and if it weren’t for them, a lot of campus events would not be possible.
Sincerely,
Hope you get sent to collections

Dear Life,
I don’t care how #whitegirlwasted you are, please WASH YOUR FRIGGIN HANDS
Sincerely,
You took a crap, then proceeded to make out with your BF

Dear Life,
If you can find 3A02 in the Laurier (Waterloo Campus), knock on the door and claim your prize.
Sincerely,
Eora the Dxplorer

Dear Life,
Dressing up in a costume of a vagina and rudely interrupting a speech is childish and immature. The right to free speech goes both ways, and making completely uninformed statements without recognizing all sides of the issue is very narrow minded.
Sincerely,
Had hoped we’d matured since 1950

Dear Life,
Why do people find it so hard to use sidewalks properly like decent human beings? You walk on the right side. You don’t walk two or three people wide with your friends while forcing others into the mud (ladies you are the worst at this). It’s so infuritating having to put up with this bullshit every single day when attempting to simply walk to class. I don’t want to bump into you and I don’t want to have to stare you down but use some common courtesy. PS: Fuck those who decide to hold group conversations in narrow hallways.
Sincerely,
Sidewalk Chicken Champion

Dear Life,
You know what’s actually fucking b.s.? The Fuckzone. I’m such a nice girl, but when I want to be just friends with a guy, it’s like just being friends is not good enough. It’s as though I have to reward his half of the friendship with sex because if I tell him no, I’m the bad one and he won’t talk to me. I just don’t understand why a guy wouldn’t want to be just friends with a nice girl like me! I’m SOOOOOO nice!
Sincerely,
Yes, you twits complaining about being “Friendzoned” do look this ridiculous

Dear Life,
Out of all the fish in the sea, Autumn will you go to prom with me?
Sincerely,
Prom King T.P.

Dear Life,
Why do the public computers default to asking to save my passwords? it’s a public computer dammit!
Sincerely,
Puzzled

Dear Life,
Do they put crack in the coffee? Why do people wait 30-45 mins for coffee? Put that Time-Value-Money principle you learned from class to use people!
Sincerely,
Not waiting in line

**Editor’s note: A comment has been removed due to a violation of the WLUSP code of conduct. We apologize for the error.

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