Burrito battle on King

The only word I can think of to describe a burrito is perfection. Just thinking about burritos right now has me feeling warm and fuzzy, like wrapping yourself up in a heated blanket after coming inside from a snowstorm.

We at Wilfrid Laurier University are blessed to have two outstanding burrito joints just across the street from campus.

Burrito Boyz made its mark in the Laurier community by building itself a good reputation and Fat Bastard has only been open since the summer.

Since these two are literally across the street from each other, when those insatiable burrito cravings kick in, deciding which to give your business to can be seemingly the most difficult decision you may ever have to make in your life.

Burrito Boyz

The Choice: Burrito Boyz offers eight different options: three vegetarian, three fish, and two basic meats, chicken and steak. Don’t be fooled — the steak is really just ground beef. They offer both white and whole wheat tortillas, but also have gluten free options and naked burritos. Altogether, Burrito Boyz caters to most people, regardless of dietary restrictions.

The Size: small and large. I usually go with the small and find myself feeling pretty full afterwards. The difference between the two is 4oz.

The Price: the cheapest burrito is the small bean and cheese at $4.87 and the most expensive is the large halibut at $10.18. Prices increase roughly $1.10 from small to large, so upgrading to the large size is fairly cheap.

My only complaint is they charge for toppings like extra guacamole, burrito sauce, salsa and cheese. This is annoying because you never really know how much salsa they’ll put on it and if it’s not enough, you can’t ask for more without forking up almost a dollar.

The Toppings: here you find typical Mexican toppings like beans, rice, cilantro and guacamole. There’s nothing really intimidating about the toppings selection. However, you’d be crazy to miss out on their burrito sauce; to me, this is their best topping. Also be warned, their hot sauce will kick you in the face if you get too much.

The Hours: Burrito Boyz is open until 11 p.m. every night with the exception of Friday and Saturday when they close at 4 a.m — completely insane, yet absolutely necessary. Let us all take a moment of silence to appreciate those Burrito Boyz employees who take our order at ridiculous times as we walk home from Phil’s on a Friday night.

Fat Bastard

The Choice: Fat Bastard wins at selection. They have 15 different kinds of burritos and divide their menu into two sections: classics and specialties. The classics menu looks a lot like Burrito Boyz with three classic vegetarian options and four classic meats like chicken, beef and pork.

The specialties menu gets a little more creative. With options like butter chicken and sweet chili Thai chicken, there’s bound to be something for everyone. They also offer gluten-free tortillas. My recommendation is the pulled pork — it’s out of this world fantastic.

The Size: Fat Bastard has three sizes: lil’, big and huge. The lil’ and big are comparable to Burrito Boyz small and large, but I have yet to experience the huge size.

I’ve heard rumors of it putting people into intense food comas after consumption.

The Price: Fat Bastard’s is more expensive than Burrito Boyz. The classics menu has the lil’ at $6.99, big at $7.99 and huge at $10.49. The specialties menu is the same but a dollar more for each size. They only charge for extra meat, guacamole and cheese, which is a little more reasonable than Burrito Boyz.

The Toppings: Fat Bastard has all the same toppings as Burrito Boyz with a few additions. Their list is a little more intimidating for the inexperienced burrito eater, just because it’s a little more creative and less authentic Mexican.

For me, I was sold on the noodles — yes, they put fried noodles in the burrito. They also have coleslaw as an option, which might seem strange but is delicious.

You’re probably waiting for me to tell you which one is better, but I can’t do that.

Burritos must not be put against each other in competition, for that would be disrespectful of the individual beauty of each and every burrito on the planet.

Arguing that one burrito is better than the other is like arguing which is more beautiful: a sunrise or a sunset. Why can’t we just enjoy both and call it a day?